I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
