They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
