4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My room smells like vodka and shame
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
