so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
