Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
