She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
