wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
