It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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