i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
