Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
