I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
