he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
