Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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