I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
