I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
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Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
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I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.