how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights