I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.