i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
I love us.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"