how can u be prego again
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
