And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
