mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
