I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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