omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
