I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
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She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
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He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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