My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
