What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
