be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize