dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
