Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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