Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
