I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
