I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
