i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
