He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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