come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Sober January is a disaster.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize