if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
