its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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