I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
worst night to have a conscience
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
