You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
