we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
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he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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