So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
