then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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