That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
