DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
