i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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