Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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