Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
