Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
