I have demons in me.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
