I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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