Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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