Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
