I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
