I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
