Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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