i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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