I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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