im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
