Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
