dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
