i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
This is classic penis vs brain.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
