Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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