so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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