took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
