He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
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why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
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I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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