is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
